When Leaders Accidentally Create Approval Seekers
Last week I wrote about a simple question many of us carry: “Did they notice?”
But the more I thought about that high-five story, the more I realized there was another side to it.
Not the person looking for the stamp, but the leader handing it out. And that side convicted me. Because leadership carries more weight than we often realize.
A compliment.
A text message.
A smile.
A public acknowledgment.
A high five.
A simple “good job.”
Most leaders see those things as small. The people receiving them often don’t.
There have been moments when someone remembered a compliment I gave months ago that I had completely forgotten saying.
There have been moments when people interpreted my silence as disappointment, even though I wasn’t disappointed at all.
That taught me something important: People often attach more meaning to our words and actions than we realize.
That isn’t a reason to stop encouraging people. It’s a reason to lead carefully.
Sometimes leaders unintentionally create approval seekers. Not because they’re manipulative. Not because they’re bad leaders. But because they don’t realize how much weight their attention carries.
A public compliment for one person. Silence toward another.
Recognition for visible gifts. Little acknowledgment for hidden faithfulness.
Attention when something goes wrong. Silence when things go right.
Without meaning to, we can begin teaching people that visibility matters more than faithfulness. That talent matters more than character. That platform matters more than obedience.
And eventually people begin performing for our approval instead of serving from God’s approval.
That should concern every leader. It certainly concerns me.
Because I don’t want people around me wondering whether they belong, since I haven’t said anything lately. I don’t want people measuring their value by how often I notice them. I don’t want my approval carrying weight it was never meant to carry.
As leaders, we should absolutely encourage people.
We should celebrate growth. We should speak life. We should honor faithfulness.
But our goal is not to become someone’s source of validation.
Our goal is to point people back to the One whose approval never changes.
I want to notice faithfulness, not just talent. I want to affirm character, not just performance. I want to celebrate consistency, not just visibility. I want people to know their work matters even when nobody is watching.
Because the truth is this:
People do not need my validation to obey God. People do not need my approval to be approved by Him. People do not need my high five to know their work matters when it is done unto the Lord.
Encouragement, leadership, honor, and feedback matter. But none of those things were ever meant to replace the voice of God.
The healthiest leaders don’t create dependency. They create freedom.
Freedom to serve, to grow, to fail, to learn, to be faithful even when nobody notices.
A leader’s role is not to become the source. A leader’s role is to point people to the Source.
Because good leaders encourage people.
But great leaders help people become free of the need for that encouragement to survive.
And maybe that’s one of the most loving things we can do.
Let’s tune in.
